mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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