Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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