whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize