remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
