my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
