he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
