does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
