Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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