He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Are my feet made of real feet?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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