I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
