So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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