so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
