It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
