Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize