i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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