dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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