She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
