When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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