Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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