In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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