these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
