The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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