After last night, I could never be a politician.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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