No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
