i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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