Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
