Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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