I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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