Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
