im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
