I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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