I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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