guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
