I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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