So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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