i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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