She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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