WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
