I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
