Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
