I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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