she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
