So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
