Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
