Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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