I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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