i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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