Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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