My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
