When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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