the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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