theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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