i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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