dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
