I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
