he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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