My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
