Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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