Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So here I am, sexting at work.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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