You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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