At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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