It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
