everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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