the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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