Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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