I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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