K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
