I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
