Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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