I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
