So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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