Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize