she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
