That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
