I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
