Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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