Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
