please come you make the beer taste better
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
