have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
