just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize