I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
