i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
