totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
