He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
