you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
