White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
