Apparently you make a good broom.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Randomize
