Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
please come you make the beer taste better
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
