I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
