I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
