I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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