get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Randomize
