well you can't waste a boner
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
