I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
