There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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