What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
