My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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