I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
