I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize