is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
